Saturday, December 5, 2015
So, what's become of me?
My life has taken turns I could never have imagined even 18 months ago. Just over a year ago, at age 50, I began a new job, an entirely new career. I'm doing things I'd never done before and never thought I could do. God opened doors, and believing in His faithfulness I walked through them. And what a ride it's been.
Staring down my middle-aged brain limitations, I learned to use multiple computer programs, for desktop publishing, bookkeeping, spreadsheets, and more. And I've begun to make art again, for the first time in a decade or more - paintings and block prints. A joy my fears had stolen has been returned to me. And, thanks to my job, I have the blessing of being able to devote some of my artistic abilities to God's kingdom purposes. I never would have thought it possible!
In March I gave the first speech of my life. It was at a women's conference. Staring down my life-long fear of public speaking, I spoke on fear. The feed-back was good. If the Lord leads, I'll do it again.
I've written quite a lot here about fear, Fear is a thief. Fear is a lazy coward. Fear feeds depression and depression feeds fear. Both of them will lie to get what they want. The worst thing I can do, I've learned, is to let either of them rent space in my head. Feelings are real and they carry real and useful information, but they must not be allowed the driver's seat. They must be evaluated. I've seen both good and bad feelings associated with both good and bad experiences. Sometimes sin feels good. Sometimes doing what's good feels bad. I've learned, and am still learning, to submit my feelings to the truth of God's word. That is a lifelong challenge. That is spiritual warfare. That is the story of my "missing" year.