How do I go on?
How do I keep on
when my good works aren't good enough
when my spirituality isn't spiritual enough
when my heart is breaking
and everyone's a critic?
in which I discuss the unthinkable
Paul and I have just returned home from the funeral of a most precious little girl. Lydia's smile could have lit a room. Now it reflects the glory of God the Savior for all eternity. Perhaps you've noticed the sparsity of my entries here these last two weeks. We've been struggling and praying for appropriate ways to handle what we're dealing with, and when and whether to speak about it. Up until now, for reasons which will become obvious, I've only shared this with a very few trusted friends. Paul made reference to it on his blog several days ago, but with no specifics. I think it may be time for me to fill in the gaps. What we're dealing with is horrible and ugly - about as ugly as it gets. This all happens on the heels of my mother's death, and has now somehow managed to even overshadow that. Mother's death, as difficult as it was...well...it made sense. She was 87 years old, and hadn't been well in many years. This, on the other hand, is a m...
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the One who views you through the rose colored lens of salvation
not through a critical lens of judgment
You remember you are the apple of His eye
He will complete the work He began in you
and no one
no thing
no human frailty can keep Him from it
You remember while all the earth gives way His love remains steadfast and sure
a shelter in the storm
You remember what you already know and walk by faith
not by sight
You pour out your grief, knowing that it's inevitable that Eliphaz and his cohorts will show up and judge you, but God will deal with them for their wrong counsel. When He comes in His whirlwind and meets you face to face, it will be you that He addresses directly, not them. And in the light of His face, all will become clear.
You remember that NO ONE's works are good enough, NO ONE's spirituality is spiritual enough. But it is only those blessed by God who get to see that reality. They are the ones He rescues from self-sufficiency and inducts into the secret place of His sufficiency. You will find rest there, in His time.
He loves you.
Consider Jesus who is the Author and Perfecter of our faith. And "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful." Heb. 10:23
The first response that came to mind was this passage of Scripture:
"Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light."
Matthew 11:28
He is all my righteousness, I stand complete in Him, and worship Him...
Anyway, the first thing for me is to ask GOD (not the accuser, not myself)if there is something specific for me to ask forgiveness for, and to give me the grace to repent. If nothing SPECIFIC comes to mind and there is just this general feeling of condemnation, I tell him to go away. I start worshiping and praising God and not looking at myself because that is the opposite of his goal. It usually dissipates.
If there is something to repent of, I pray, ask forgiveness and try to restore the relationship with my Father and then go on.
In the face of reoccurring sin that I am struggling with (and I have plenty) I remind myself of Micah 7:7-9
"Therefore I will look unto the Lord: I will wait for God my Savior: My God will hear me. Rejoice not against me O mine enemy: Though I fall, I shall arise, when I sit in darkness the Lord shall be a light unto me. I will bear the wrath of the Lord, because I have sinned against Him, until He plead my cause and execute justice for me: then will He bring me forth to the light and I shall see His righteousness."
I don't want to pretend that I know all about what your going through but if it is something like what I have gone through realize that it is a spiritual warfare thing and the goal is to rob you of what ever treasure you have in Christ and destroy your ability to destroy your role in the Lord's kingdom. I know this may seem a little radical-really, I'm, well, kind of normal. But I have found in dealing with the enemy's voice it is best not to play around.
Blessings! :)
You have stood up for what is right. You have shared openly and honestly.
I just linked back to a post of yours, and came here to let you know.
Thank you for bringing light to places that can't be dark any longer.
That's not so radical really. In fact, I follow much the same practice. But first I have to recognize what's going on, which I don't always do right away. Sometimes it takes several days to realize it.
One thing I know is that "conviction" is always focused. When it comes I know exactly what I've done and what I need to repent of. "Condemnation" is not like that at all, it's this vague all-over thing that no soul-searching and nit-picking can remedy.
The other problem is when the critics are real voices of real people, either voices speaking in judgment now, or remembered voices of judgments made in the past (my own or those of others). "With the judgment you pronounce you will be judged." This is a warning to legalists - and having been one I can speak to the truth of this statement.
Thanks so much for stopping by, and for leaving words of encouragement.
When I wrote this little poem, if you can call it that, it was really just rhetorical. (At my husband's encouragement I'm experimenting with different modes of expression.) The last thing I expected was such a response!
God has blessed me with lovely friends.